Aite
by Crimson1
Summary: The full, edited and perfected story now exists in chapter 4 with all preceding versions and parts still in tact. A reviewer got me thinking I could make this story better than any one part, so I hope you enjoy. Please R&R! Gojyo and Hakkai's first time.
1. Comfort

AITE  
  
We are--all of us--slaves to the whims of Fate. Days slip by unnoticed, while hours drag like half-dead corpses at our heels, and somehow, we continue on, never knowing where the next bend in the road will take us. No one knows what their future holds. We can dream as many scenarios as we like, but the truth will always take us by surprise.  
  
On one of those days, when an entire week seems to have passed by while each hour ticks on endlessly to endure the current day, Fate will strike out and knock someone unsuspecting flat on their ass. It is inevitable. Especially...especially for those who mourn and carry heavy, unnecessary burdens on their backs. They are the ones who never see Fate coming, because once, long ago, they saw her face to face.  
  
"Hey, Hakkai? You okay?"  
  
It was raining. It was always raining.  
  
Seated on the edge of his bed facing the rain-soaked window, Hakkai turns to address his vigilant friend who has come to stand nearby. They share the small room, separated from their comrades by a single wall. There are two beds, the lone window, and an end table. It is simple, but they are used to accommodations such as this.  
  
"Yes. I'm fine, Gojyo." the brunette replies, his voice dim and soft, so light within its tenor pitch.  
  
"No." Gojyo states back, sitting down to join Hakkai on the bed. "I mean _really_."  
  
As if on reflex, Hakkai smiles, something not quite as convincing as the mask he usually wears so effortlessly. He sighs; he never could keep anything from the stubborn hanyou. "It's been four years." he explains, staring outside at the falling rain. "Four years to the day."  
  
"Aa. Then I guess that makes it our anniversary."  
  
Hakkai laughs, just as softly as he had smiled. "Yes, Gojyo...that it is."  
  
Nudging Hakkai gently in the side, Gojyo captures his friend's attention. Once secured, he pats his own shoulder with one of his large, tan hands. "See this spot right here? _Great_ for resting a head on. Or so I've been told." he grins, if a little crookedly.  
  
Hakkai laughs again, his voice on the verge of cracking with every fresh sound uttered. "I think I might...take you up on that offer..." he breathes, scooting the few inches closer for his head to rest gently on the redhead's shoulder and for his side to relax against Gojyo's own.  
  
In turn, Gojyo slips an around Hakkai's back, holding him in place with just the right amount of pressure and support. Comfort is always best when offered by a friend who gives it without asking anything in return. Few may understand that Sha Gojyo is one of those friends, but his true nature is not something he often broadcasts.  
  
Hakkai, however, has long since known the truth.  
  
"It doesn't hurt any less, does it?" Gojyo asks, after they had sat a few moments in contented silence. The way he has spoken makes it seem much more like a statement than an honest question.  
  
"It does...but not less enough." Hakkai admits. "These past few years have made things easier merely by being with you. And Sanzo and Goku, of course." he adds quickly. "Honestly, it doesn't hurt the way it used to. I...I only...I only wish...I could finally let her rest."  
  
"You can. All you gotta do is say goodbye."  
  
Hakkai huffs out a falsely humored breath of air. "Is it really that simple?"  
  
The fact that Gojyo has lived for many years with Hakkai's self-loathing and excessive mourning has done very little towards making it easier for him to handle rainy nights such as this one.  
  
Projected pain does not induce wisdom.  
  
"You loved her. I get that. But...did she mean more to you than living out the rest of your life?" Gojyo speaks through clenched teeth; his temper is getting the better of him, but out of sympathy, not anger. Sympathy...for a friend he has never known how to help. "Did she mean more to you than...than the people you have in your life now?"  
  
Hakkai shifts in his position against Gojyo's side, but does not raise his head, still resting on the hanyou's shoulder. "What you're really asking...is did she mean more to me than _you_?"  
  
"That's not what I said." Gojyo speaks quickly. "It'd be awful of me to make you answer something like that."  
  
This time Hakkai does raise his head, lifting it just enough to stare into Gojyo's crimson eyes. "She didn't." he states simply, and then lays his head back down again. "See, it wasn't hard for me to answer at all. She didn't mean more to me than you do now, it was just...different. She held a place in my heart that is now empty, and always will be, but you...you hold a place all your own, Gojyo."  
  
"Aww, you're making me blush."  
  
Once more, Hakkai's light laughter slips out between his lips, and he finds himself snuggling in closer to Gojyo's warm, firm body. "Thank you." he whispers, his voice sounding faraway somehow within the still silence of the room.  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For being there. For being you." Hakkai smiles, and it is one of his rare, honest smiles, though Gojyo cannot see it with the brunette's head bent down as it rests against his shoulder. They remain in silence for a moment or so, before Hakkai gently speaks again, his voice even more on the edge of breaking than it had been not long before. "Goodbye..." he breathes, so softly, Gojyo almost doesn't hear him. "...goodbye...Kanan..."  
  
And the dam breaks, blown open and blown apart, with pieces of debris sent flying in every direction.  
  
Slowly, Gojyo begins to feel that the man in his arms is shaking, shivering against him, and when a strange, too tender sob breaks the silence, he is certain he is treading territory he does not know how to tread. Hakkai is whimpering softly, and as the tears fall, Gojyo feels his shirt becoming damp through the downpour.  
  
"Shit, man, don't cry. You're a guy, for Heaven's sake." he orders, though his voice is weak, and honestly, he has given the order only because he doesn't know any other way to handle what is happening. He can play the macho guy with ease, the guy who tells his friends to buck up and look on the brighter side of Hell. But...to hold another man while he cries...?  
  
"I...I'm sorry...I know this is very...unseemly of me..." Hakkai sniffles, his voice a broken pane of glass while all the rain from outside is seeping in through the cracks. "I...I just...I..." But he cannot speak anymore; there is nothing left to say.  
  
Hakkai's attempt to compose himself fails, and as the last of his held back tears burst free, he turns to bury his face in Gojyo's chest, clutching at the kappa's shirt, desperate for something to hold on to as he drowns-- deeper and deeper--inside the rain.  
  
What else can Gojyo do but hold him tighter? So he does.  
  
Pulled in flush against Gojyo's chest, Hakkai is being held with one arm still around his back and the other up in his hair, and soon, he is digging deep into the shoulder he had so recently been leaning on. Yes, this is the comfort he longed for tonight. No questions, no words, just the feel of another person's body and tender hands.  
  
Tears fall for a good many minutes before Hakkai finally pulls away, still clinging to Gojyo's damp shirt with fisted hands. Gojyo still has one arm slinked around Hakkai's waist with the other holding the brunette's head as his fingers become tangled in the soft strands of hair. Their eyes meet--ruby and emerald in the dim lighting. Gojyo smiles. Hakkai sniffs back the last of his tears. And...somehow...they both begin to lean forward.  
  
Their noses touch and Hakkai laughs, pulling back. But Gojyo isn't about to let the magic end there. The hand that had been nestled in Hakkai's hair slips free and travels down to touch the man's pale face, still glistening with tears. Gojyo runs his thumb beneath each green eye, one at a time, to banish the remaining wetness, but once the job is done, his hand does not fall away. Instead it strokes at that smooth skin, mesmerized by the foreign feel of it. Then, when Hakkai's eyes drift closed, both men are suddenly leaning in again.  
  
Lips meet fleetingly, shocked that they have actually touched, but soon, they get over the strangeness of it all, and meet again. Hakkai is still trembling slightly from releasing so much sorrow through those many tears, but Gojyo's lips are determined to still him.  
  
The kiss is light and soft, though desperate all the same. It wants to become more. Much more.  
  
There is no conscious effort by one man or the other to search for something deeper, suddenly, they have merely surrendered, and their tongues are intertwined, exploring inside each other's mouths. No rational thought is in either man's head, only adjectives.

Wet. Warm. Sweet. Wonderful.  
  
Should rational thought enter their minds for even a second, they will have to stop. And now, in the moment, that is something neither of them wants.  
  
Hakkai feels himself being pushed back onto the bed, and he ignores the alarms that go off in his head, allowing himself to be laid down. When the kiss breaks, the instant contact of their eyes is too much, even as Hakkai quickly looks away to stare instead at Gojyo's heavily rising and falling chest. Eye contact will break the spell, Hakkai reasons, though the heat from Gojyo's eyes still locked on his face proves that the kappa is not thinking along those same lines.  
  
Clinging to what he can, Hakkai grabs at Gojyo's tank top and pulls, surprised at how easily it slips up over the hanyou's head and off to fall to the floor. Almost instantly, he pulls the redhead down again for another kiss, his hands digging deep into that flaming hair. Gojyo moans, forcing Hakkai to kiss him even more fiercely if only to block out the sound of a voice he knows too well.  
  
Within the kiss, it is Hakkai's shirt now that is being tugged up, and the article is discarded quickly when they break again, before having to immediately reconnect, as if their breath is stolen by lack of contact instead of by contact itself.  
  
Both feel dizzy, disoriented, as if dreaming. Their hands stray to each other's bare chests and anywhere else they can reach as their lips and tongues continue to assault.  
  
Hakkai tenses as a certain pair of straying hands begins to pull at his pants, bringing his boxers down with them, but he does not break away. He does not break away at the feel of cool air striking his suddenly naked body as his pants disappear. No. He rolls, pinning Gojyo with his weight as he had been pinned, and begins to remove the kappa's pants in return.  
  
Gojyo couldn't be closer to Heaven if he died this very minute. Hakkai is on top of him--naked--the brunette's lips pressed hotly to his with their tongues dancing to a rhythm he can hear as clearly as if music were playing beside the bed. The amazing thing is, the fact that all of this is happening, and that Hakkai is the person it is happening with, does not take away. It adds. It matters. It means everything.  
  
And Gojyo never even saw it coming.  
  
He shivers at the sudden absence of his own pants--he hadn't been wearing anything else--and the realization that both men are now stark naked is very--VERY--apparent. Gojyo's mouth opens wide with the onset of another groan, but Hakkai's mouth is right there, eager to silence him with a bruising kiss.  
  
Hands stray to places they could have only dreamed of before, and as they kiss, forever locked together, their bodies move and thrust against each other, working them both into a frenzy of need. Both men are shivering now, their ribs in tight contact as their heavy breathing synchronizes into a single, giant breath.

Hakkai has forgotten the rain.  
  
Another roll and their positions are once again flipped, with Gojyo on top and Hakkai squirming deliciously beneath. Then, suddenly, Gojyo is lifting them up, his hands gripping Hakkai's shoulders as he lifts and leans back until both are up on their knees instead of lying down. Slowly, he falls back into a sitting position, his legs spreading, and he hoists Hakkai up so that the brunette is straddling his waist, practically sitting in his lap.  
  
Their lips have yet to pull apart for more than a few moments at a time, but as Gojyo shifts Hakkai further, into that perfect, desirable spot, they are forced to break apart. Hakkai gasps, cringing in pain as Gojyo finds the entrance he had been searching for. He clutches at Gojyo's back, the kappa's face buried in the crook of his neck since the position they are in has Hakkai lifted to a slightly higher advantage.  
  
Hakkai shudders deeply--a sheath never before used--but the pain is passing, replaced by something equally blinding that climbs up his spine to the back of his head and explodes. Gojyo is fully inside now, holding Hakkai tight, their chests pressed close together. And then...just then...Gojyo begins to move. They are only small thrusts at first, a gentle rocking, and even when the movements pick up pace, it is still amazingly gentle, as if the two young men are merely slow dancing to the rhythm Gojyo is certain he can still hear.  
  
They are locked in that position, Hakkai holding tight to Gojyo's back, his legs gripping the kappa's hips, while Gojyo kisses Hakkai's chest and neck, and together...they move, they rock, they dance.  
  
Their breathing is the only sound in the room, and it is not rough or terribly heavy, but soft, made up of contented grunts and huffs, like a rumbling purr that fades into the distance.  
  
The passage of time means very little, until all the glorious friction is suddenly over, the soiled sheets tossed to the floor, with a single, remaining blanket left to pull up around them as they drift off to sleep. They haven't spoken. They haven't looked deeply into each other's eyes, or found any great revelations. They are merely a tangle of limbs suddenly, resting in a contented heap on the bed--exhausted.  
  
A/N  
  
This will be two parts total, the next part dealing with the morning after. This is an example of how I actually think things could go down for this oh so possible couple, and I hope it is to everyone's liking. There is a reason they don't speak and that everything is so gentle and rhythmic. It just...had to be that way. I can picture it all happening in my mind, and I hope you all can, too. Please Review, minna, and thanks as always for reading.  
  
Crim


	2. The Morning After

**The morning after...  
**  
Sunlight, warm and inviting, bathes him in its rays. He can feel it caressing the exposed areas of his skin, reminiscent of softer caresses he had experienced the night before. It feels wonderful--soothing--but not nearly as welcome as those other touches had been.  
  
Gojyo blinks, annoyed with the sunlight pouring in through the window, even as he is praising its glory. His eyes are heavy, his body aching, and when he rolls over to curl in closer to his companion for a few more minutes of blissful sleep, he suddenly feels excruciatingly alone.  
  
Gojyo blinks again, lifting himself up to stare at the empty space beside him. Hakkai is gone. A quick glance around the room proves that every single trace of the man has vanished completely. No clothing. No bag. Had Gojyo imagined the entire thing...?  
  
A quick recap of the night's events makes Gojyo very certain he had not. Erokappa that he is, he has never had an erotic dream quite like that. Never has one ever been so real and so perfectly wonderful, and he certainly has never had one starring Hakkai. No. They slept together, all right, but now, despite the early hour, Hakkai is long gone, and the space beside Gojyo is painfully cold with the brunette's absence.  
  
Gojyo does not waste a moment's time, but climbs out of bed and begins to dress, making himself as presentable as he is willing to take the time for. If things happened as he remembers--and he is certain that they did--he cannot understand why Hakkai would leave him without a word of explanation. The healer is not the love 'em and leave 'em type. At the very worst, Hakkai should have been rousing Gojyo from sleep so he could take the bedding out to be washed.  
  
He should not be gone.  
  
Groggily stepping out into the hallway, Gojyo is affronted instantly by the smell of simmering food. The Inn they have taken refuge at is separated into small cottages, each with two bedrooms, a bathroom, and a kitchen, leaving the search for a good meal completely up to them. Hakkai had been thrilled at the prospect; he loves cooking, and does so whenever given the opportunity.  
  
True to his nature, the brunette is positioned in front of the small stove as Gojyo enters the kitchen, and the kappa is struck by an instant wave of relief. He should have guessed the man would rise early to make breakfast for them all.  
  
Gojyo waits a few moments before making his presence known, enjoying watching the small, swaying movements of Hakkai at the stove. The brunette's strong frame is deceptively frail looking--thin, with smooth muscles perfectly toned in a way so understated, an amateur would consider him a very small threat, if any at all. That, of course, is far from the truth.  
  
Gojyo almost kicks himself for never having noticed how enticing his friend really is. The gentle curve of his pale neck, his thin waist, so like a woman's, and his tight rear end, which reminds Gojyo once again of the events the previous night. Hakkai is a beauty, and Gojyo has always been a sucker for a pretty face.  
  
He just never expected his first lay on the road would be his best friend.  
  
"Hakkai?"  
  
The brunette jumps at the sudden sound of his name being called, spinning around to face the door with a very startled smile. "Gojyo." he says simply, unconsciously bringing a hand to his heart, as if to still its rapid beating. "You surprised me."  
  
Gojyo raises a crimson eyebrow, silently asking the pressing question on his mind.  
  
"I...I'm sorry about...I...I just didn't want to wake you." Hakkai covers, reading the kappa's expression as easily as he could devour a timeless novel. Sometimes, it is almost frightening how well they know each other.  
  
Trekking the last few steps inside the kitchen, Gojyo hops up to sit on the edge of the little dining table, only about three feet or so from Hakkai's stance at the stove. "No big deal." he dismisses, whipping out a cigarette that is lit and releasing a trail of smoke within seconds. "I hate waking up to a cold bed, is all. Made me feel lonely."  
  
Hakkai laughs nervously and looks down to stare at his feet, unable to meet the ruby eyes regarding him with such intimate familiarity.  
  
"So..." Gojyo starts in, grinning wickedly. "...about last night--"  
  
"I'm so sorry, Gojyo." Hakkai interrupts--too quickly. "I feel so ashamed."  
  
This is not the reaction Gojyo was expecting. "Ashamed...?"  
  
"My own sorrow is no excuse. My own...needs...should never come before yours, or anyone else's." the brunette continues, his words coming out rushed and panicked, as if he had been practicing this very conversation since first waking up, though he still isn't sure what to say. "What I allowed last night was...reprehensible...and...I just hope you can forgive me."  
  
"Forgive you...?"  
  
"Please, can we just...forget what passed between us? I would feel better knowing such a mistake was put behind us quickly."  
  
If the hammer had yet to fall, it certainly did with that last phrase. "Mistake...?" Gojyo repeats, his eyes narrowing on the figure still refusing to meet his gaze. "Right. Of course. I mean, if you wanna forgive and forget like nothing happened, who am I to refuse you?"  
  
Gojyo's tone is anything but understanding, his temper flared, his words sharp and biting. All his beliefs concerning what happened last night are amounting to nothing right before his eyes.  
  
At last finding the courage to raise his head, Hakkai looks up in obvious confusion to return the kappa's stare. Gojyo's rage looks back at him with the force of a physical blow, and if the stove wasn't just behind him, the healer would have had to take a step back.  
  
"Gojyo...are you...angry with me?"  
  
"Angry? Why would I be angry?" Gojyo shoots back, standing abruptly and grabbing one of the mugs off the table if only to have something to clench in his fist. "What the FUCK do I have to be angry about?!?" he yells, and in a burst of anger, he chucks the mug at the wall, shattering it with a crash that makes Hakkai's breath catch in his throat.  
  
A second later, Gojyo is gone, having stormed back out the way he had come without so much as a glance passed back to Hakkai.  
  
The stunned brunette has never seen his friend so angry, and Sha Gojyo is well known for having a very short fuse.  
  
"Gojyo..." Hakkai breathes, his voice unable to reach that retreated form, just as he is hesitant to follow with his feet.  
  
What had he said to make Gojyo react so fiercely? He had thought Gojyo would agree with him, that Gojyo would be relieved _he_ brought the subject up first.  
  
Last night shouldn't have happened. Right...?  
  
"Hakkai...why was Gojyo yelling?"  
  
Hakkai jumps once again, spinning to face the other entrance into the kitchen and coming face to face with a certain young youkai with golden eyes. "Goku. I...it...it's nothing. Nothing to worry about." he lies, smiling his most luminous smile. Somehow, though, the smile never quite reaches his eyes. "Goku, do you think perhaps you could ask Sanzo to help finish making breakfast?" he asks suddenly, rolling back down the sleeves he had pulled up to keep from getting soiled. "I have...something to take care of."  
  
"Eh? Sure, I guess." Goku shrugs, still looking rather sleepy, though he is already dressed and ready to meet the day. Most likely the only reason he is out of bed at all is because his superhuman sense of smell detected food. Goku eyes Hakkai closely as the brunette heads for the door. "You sure you're okay, Hakkai?" he asks, before the healer can get too far.  
  
"Of course, Goku. Gojyo and I will be back shortly."  
  
Goku nods as Hakkai quickly disappears, but he is not fooled. He, too, understands the kappa's quick temper, but Gojyo has never once directed that anger at Hakkai.  
  
As Goku heads back towards his room to collect his guardian, he prays that whatever is happening between his comrades will soon be sorted out. After all, a feuding family is not enjoyable company to travel with.  
  
-----  
  
"Forgive me for handling this so inelegantly, but...I'm afraid I really don't know how it should be handled."  
  
Gojyo stiffens at the sound of Hakkai's voice behind him. He is busy packing up the remainder of his things, his back to the door. "Here's a hint: not the way you tried back there." he grits out, slamming his now bloated pack to the ground. He does not turn around.  
  
Approaching cautiously from the open doorway, Hakkai passes his gaze from his friend's taut back to the still rumpled sheets of the bed they had shared. The other is, of course, still crisp and made up, untouched. "You don't want an apology for how I used you?" Hakkai asks boldly, returning his attention to his irate companion.  
  
"Used me? What the hell?!" Gojyo growls, at last whipping around and glaring with that same forceful anger ready to knock Hakkai flat on his ass. "_I_ fucked _you_! If anything, I thought you'd be mad at me for using _you_ last night, but no...you have to act all self-righteous about it."  
  
"But..._I'm_ the one who kept pushing for more. _I_ was the one in the wrong."  
  
"No, Hakkai." Gojyo responds, his eyes aflame through his steadily increasing anger. "We were both pushing for more--equally. We both wanted it. Or so I thought. But I guess for you...it didn't mean shit."  
  
The force of those crimson eyes finally becomes more than the brunette can handle, and he stumbles back, caught off guard and more confused now than he ever imagined he could be. "You...you don't regret sharing your bed with me...?"  
  
"Fuck, no!"  
  
"But...I don't understand. When I first woke up in your home...you said that was the first and only time you would allow a man into your bed."  
  
"Yeah, and that man was _you_, Hakkai. _You_."  
  
Hakkai stares, at an utter loss. What can he possibly say? He had thought he had everything figured out. Then again, he had also thought he had everything figured out right before sleeping with his best friend. Clearly, things aren't following a pattern anywhere near normal.  
  
"Listen, 'Kai, I didn't sleep with you because you were vulnerable and an easy lay." Gojyo explains, his anger simmering down as he addresses Hakkai's stunned silence. "And I sure as hell didn't do it because you coerced me. I slept with you because I wanted it, and I thought you wanted it, too. I guess...I read your feelings wrong."  
  
"But you didn't." Hakkai jumps in, wanting so desperately suddenly to leap from where he stands, right into the kappa's arms. He is surprised at his own desires, but they do not overwhelm him as they had the night before. He knows what he feels. He always has. "I just...I never imagined my feelings for you would be reciprocated."  
  
Once again, the reaction one expects from the other is not what is given. "Oh." Gojyo sneers, staring Hakkai down with an impressive resurgence of that fueled fury. "So you just thought I was some whore who'd sleep with anything in sight, and that emotion never came into play."  
  
Hakkai gapes, forced to take yet another step back. "I never said you were a whore."  
  
"Yeah, well you're sure as hell treating me like one if you think I'd sleep with you just to get laid." Gojyo bites, struggling with his easily resurfacing anger. "I haven't been with a woman in a long time, 'Kai, and I've never been with a man...not til last night. That's not something you do on a whim or just coz you need a good fuck. It's something you do because you realize after god knows too long...you're in love with your best friend."  
  
And Hakkai is still gaping, still dreaming, he imagines, because Gojyo, a man he had lived in the same house with for three years, has just admitted the impossible. "In...love...?"  
  
"Never could get it right with a woman. Guess fate was trying to tell me something." The kappa's tone is softer suddenly, and the part of his anger that has faded away is being swallowed by uncertain hope--hope for a better ending than the one he believes he is headed for.  
  
"Gojyo, I...I feel like such a fool." Hakkai expresses, reclaiming the steps that had pulled him so unfairly back. "Last night...I wouldn't have slept with just anyone, no matter how vulnerable I was. Had I been sharing a room with Sanzo or Goku, I would have undoubtedly slept alone. It was you I wanted, not the comfort. Forgive me for being so blind...I couldn't see you felt the same way."  
  
Now it is Gojyo's turn to step back. "You saying what I think you're saying?"  
  
Hakkai smiles, and it is nothing false or forced, but tender in its honestly. "I love you, Gojyo."  
  
Fate is indeed a mystery, and she can never be understood no matter how often we try to comprehend why she does what she does. That's why she's Fate, because she cannot be tampered with or completely understood. She just is. She pulls the threads of our lives in directions we may never have even entertained going on our own, and we are forever grateful.  
  
Because when Fate steps in, if we have the faith to accept what she is offering us, we are in her debt forever for all the wonders she has set before our unsuspecting feet.  
  
"Shit. I mean...holy fuck, Hakkai." Gojyo grins, lopsided as he begins to overcome those final traces of anger and sadness, his emotions giving in to the pure amazement of what is happening. "Me and you...in love? And...last night...we...we were...I mean...gods! This is crazy!"  
  
Hakkai laughs, and the space that had been between them is suddenly no longer there, because Hakkai has bridged the gap. "And yet..." he breathes, raising one of those too beautiful hands up towards Gojyo's face. "...I don't think I'd want things any other way." Then...just then...their lips meet, as soft and tender as they had the night before. "We better get back." Hakkai whispers, after reluctantly breaking away. He is looking right in Gojyo's eyes--unflinching. "Goku might be burning down the kitchen as we speak."  
  
"Oh...I don't think we have to worry about that."  
  
Hakkai quirks an eyebrow, realizing that Gojyo is no longer returning his stare but is looking past him towards the door. He turns...and suddenly feels very foolish for having left that door open when he came in. "Eh...? Sanzo? Goku? How...how long have you been standing there?"  
  
Book-ending the entrance to the room, Sanzo and Goku stand stock-still.  
  
Goku's expression is one of frozen disbelief, his mouth hanging open so wide, one would imagine he is facing an impressive assortment of food rather than the sight of two male friends kissing.  
  
Sanzo, too, looks quite shocked, though he masks his true response quickly, enabling him to pretend he isn't surprised in the least. "How long? Long enough to feel sick to my stomach." the monk grumbles, swallowing back the final, remaining traces of how he is actually feeling. "Are you two finished now so we can eat and get on the road?"  
  
"You're not...angry?" Hakkai questions, pulling a little further from Gojyo to avoid making the others any more uncomfortable.  
  
"What you do in bed together is none of my business. Just be sure your romance doesn't interfere with the mission. If it even _seems_ like you're distracted, I'm neutering the kappa."  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"I'm going to eat breakfast." Sanzo continues, ignoring the kappa's protests. "When I'm finished, I'm leaving, with _or_ without you." And with his consent given--in his own, special way--Sanzo turns on his heels and heads back to the kitchen.  
  
Goku, however, has yet to speak or move since Gojyo and Hakkai turned to face the door. He is just standing there, staring, mouth agape, his large, golden eyes locked on the forms of his friends.  
  
Hakkai smiles, but shifts nervously, not sure what to say.

Gojyo, on the other hand, has a knack for dealing with monkeys. "What are you staring at, saru?" he asks slyly, reaching out to grip Hakkai's waist and pull the brunette in close against his side. He grins, waggling an eyebrow in Goku's direction.  
  
Goku grimaces. Finally, his mouth closes and his shoulders relax, but he looks anything _but_ okay. His attention shifts to Hakkai. "You...you...you let Gojyo have sex with you? Hakkai, that's just gross."  
  
"What?! Why you little--!"  
  
"Goku, it isn't gross, it's just...different." Hakkai breaks in, saving them from the onset of yet another verbal fight. Though he can tell his close proximity to Gojyo is unsettling Goku somewhat, he does not attempt to pry himself from Gojyo's hold. "There is nothing wrong with two men finding love in one another."  
  
Goku shakes his head. "I didn't mean it was gross coz he's a guy, just coz he's Gojyo. I mean, who knows where that kappa's been."  
  
And with that said, it doesn't matter that Hakkai hasn't attempted to break free, because Gojyo suddenly releases him and is dashing forward towards the door. "That's it, I'm ringing your neck!"  
  
"Ack! I was just kidding!" Goku cries over his shoulder, sprinting down the hallway in hopes of finding some place of refuge before Gojyo can catch up. "I think you make a cute couple!"  
  
"Tell that to my fist, you little twerp!"  
  
"Hakkai, help!"  
  
But Hakkai knows to leave things be. He follows at a leisurely pace, shaking his head as he laughs lightly beneath his breath. "Yare, yare...the things I put up with..."  
  
owari  
  
A/N  
  
Truthfully, I don't like this nearly as much as the first part, but I couldn't just leave things like that. Nights of passion have repercussions. Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews. Skycat, you made _me_ tear up. Thank you all. I am so proud of this. _You_ are what makes this worth it. See ya next ficcie, minna!  
  
Crimson


	3. Alternative Ending

ALTERNATIVE ENDING

* * *

Sunlight, warm and inviting, bathes him in its rays. He can feel it caressing the exposed areas of his skin, reminiscent of softer caresses he experienced the night before. It feels wonderful--soothing--but not nearly as welcome as those other touches had been.

Gojyo blinks, annoyed with the sunlight pouring in through the window, even as he is praising its glory. His eyes are heavy, his body aching, and when he rolls over to curl in closer to his companion for a few more minutes of blissful sleep, he is suddenly reminded of exactly whom he had been sharing the bed with.

His hand falls to rest on a smooth, hard, _flat_ chest. His legs are curled tightly with another's, which are definitely well muscled and definitely NOT clean-shaven. And most noticeably of all, his nose is very clearly picking up on a less familiar scent. The scent of the acts he carried out the night before, lingering still in the somewhat stuffy room, are not at all dulled by the sweet scent of a woman because a woman had not been present. Gojyo raises his head, looking down at the sweet, still sleeping face of the person so close to him, he can feel the other man's even breath striking his skin.

Hakkai.

_'Holy shit...'_ he thinks with a crooked smile.

The brunette's strong frame is deceptively frail looking with the covers just barely coming up to his hips. He is thin with smooth muscles perfectly toned in a way so understated, an amateur would consider him a very small threat, if any at all. That, of course, is far from the truth. Gojyo almost kicks himself for never having noticed how enticing his friend really is. The gentle curve of that pale neck, the man's thin waist, so like a woman's, and those features--breathtaking. Hakkai is a beauty, and Gojyo has always been a sucker for a pretty face. He just never expected his first lay on the road would be his best friend.

Fully aware that he is staring, Gojyo becomes lost in the still beauty of Hakkai's face, seeing it in an entirely new light now. Hakkai is no longer just his good friend, companion, and roommate. They breached a boundary Gojyo never imagined crossing with another man, yet alone with the stunning brunette. But Hakkai...is Hakkai. Hakkai isn't just anyone. Hakkai is kind and compassionate. Hakkai is mysterious and unexpected. Hakkai is graceful, and frightening, and wonderful, and haunted, and...and...Gojyo realizes suddenly he is so enraptured with Hakkai he has begun trailing his hand along the smooth skin of the man's chest.

Hakkai is so pale--not pale like Sanzo, but pale in comparison to the tan hand running over his skin. Gojyo would never be so cliché and maudlin as to call it 'alabaster' or 'porcelain', but he is sorely tempted.

Taking a naughty morning risk, Gojyo looks about the room as if searching for some sinister fly on the wall, smirks triumphantly at finding none, and begins to lean down, closing his crimson eyes as he lowers slightly parted lips to meet Hakkai's. His hand never once stops its gentle caresses, trailing from the other man's clavicle to just past his ribcage. In the moment of this stolen and mildly chaste kiss, Gojyo unthinkingly trails that hand lower, discovering the rubbery skin just above Hakkai's navel. The change in texture would have caught him off guard for at least a moment if the contact hadn't just then roused Hakkai from the edge of dreaming.

Emeralds flicker, at first confused with the strange weight leaning into his body and the wet pressure on his lips, but as a shock of red hair focuses in his line of vision, everything about last night jumps suddenly to the front of Hakkai's mind.

Thoughtlessly, his hands spring from his sides and shoot upwards with far more force than he intended, jerking Gojyo roughly up and away from him. "Don't touch me." the brunette gasps, breathless.

Gojyo feels his heart stop. Now would be a good time for him to be having hearing problems.

But Hakkai doesn't mean his words to sound as they do. He wants to apologize, to explain, to say something to remove the look of pained shock on the redhead's face, but he cannot bear to look at that face long enough to say anything constructive. He curls in on himself, turning onto his side away from Gojyo, eyes clenched tight. His breathing shakes his entire body--trembling--as he struggles not to cry. Don't cry. Not in front of Gojyo. Not like this.

"Kai..."

Oh no, please not that understanding tone, so questioning and hurting and asking so much more than can be given.

"Please don't...don't just turn away. Say something..."

He can't. He can't look. He can't answer. He wants to hide inside himself and bury last night deep within the farthest reaches of his memory.

"Shit...I didn't...hurt you last night, did I?" the redhead asks past the lump in his throat, voicing one of his worst fears with any partner. The last thing he is or ever will be is a man who would take someone against their will and leave them...broken.

"N-no...of course not. I...oh, Gojyo, I'm just...so...oh, gods, what did we do...?"

In the brief amount of time Gojyo had been awake before Hakkai, he imagined many little scenarios about Hakkai's reactions to everything. He imagined a bashful smile, a blush, maybe even a smirk considering the passion the man showed last night, but...but certainly not this forlorn and achingly obvious...regret.

Gojyo is sincerely contemplating jumping out the three-story window.

Hakkai gasps through painfully dry sobs. "I...I'm so sorry, Gojyo. I feel so...ashamed." Pulling the sheets still gathered at his hips as high up on his body and as tight as he can, Hakkai burrows into the mattress and pillow beneath him, keeping Gojyo safely at his back.

Though a part of Gojyo--deep, deep down--may have expected this, it is not the reaction he was hoping for. "Ashamed...?" he restates tenderly, not wanting to sound as hurt as he feels.

"My own sorrow...is no excuse." the brunette continues, his words coming out halted--quivering. "My own...needs...should never come before another's. What I allowed last night was...reprehensible. Please...please forgive me, Gojyo..."

Gojyo is thoroughly lost now. "Forgive you?"

"I should...never have asked such a thing of you."

"Asked...? Hakkai, you didn't even--"

"I know I asked without words." Hakkai breaks in, real tears still refusing to fall, perhaps due to the amount he shed the night before. "But...but I know...you were only giving me...what you thought I needed...as you always do..."

Gojyo is dumbstruck. What is he hearing? Does Hakkai actually think he slept with him as a favor?

Incapable of meeting the ruby eyes regarding him, Hakkai turns his head as if to look back, but only barely peers in his friend's direction. "Gojyo...are you...angry with me?"

This is too much. "Angry? Why would I be angry?" Gojyo speaks earnestly. "Hakkai...what do you think happened last night?"

Hakkai's breath catches in his throat. Gathering courage, he slowly turns to face Gojyo fully, both lying there propped up on their sides now, and his eyes meet crimson with something searching and timid they have never held before.

"Hakkai, what do you think happened?"

"We...you and I...we..."

"We had sex. You CAN say it, ya know."

Hakkai blushes, the sheet pulled up to just under his chin as he lies facing Gojyo.

"So we slept together." Gojyo states again. "Why?"

This question startles Hakkai equally as much as the first. "Because...you were trying to...help me...to...to..."

"To what? To make you feel better? To cheer you up?" Gojyo presses, his temper raising enough for his tone to turn sharp and add a little bite to his words. "I can't believe you actually think I would fuck you out of pity."

Hakkai flinches, eyes wide in confusion, slowly beginning to realize he has read this entire situation wrong, right from the start.

Recognizing his own harshness, Gojyo sighs, running an anxious and frustrated hand through his morning tangles. "If anything, I thought you'd be mad at _me_ for using _you_ last night, but you have to go and act all self-righteous about it."

"But..._I'm_ the one who kept pushing for more. _I_ was the one in the wrong, asking for something you were never under any obligation to give me."

"Obligation?" Gojyo responds disbelievingly, his voice and body tense, his eyes locked on the emeralds having such difficulty meeting his gaze. "Obligation is the quickest way to end a friendship, Hakkai, and that sure as hell isn't what I wanted last night to mean. We were both pushing for more--equally. We both wanted it. At least that's what I thought at the time. But I guess for you...it was just a way to drown your sorrows."

"Gojyo..."

"No, it doesn't matter." Gojyo continues, his eyes finally lowering to seek refuge in the crumpled sheets. "We'll just forget about it. We'll just...call it helping out a friend and leave it at that...like you want. It's not like it..." his voice catches, his face contorted in poorly veiled anguish. "...meant anything...right?"

Hakkai cannot believe the sound ofsorrowin Gojyo's voice. "You...you don't regret sharing your bed with me...?"

A slight pause--crimson eyes still cast down. "Does that surprise you?"

Hakkai swallows. "I guess...I don't understand. When I first woke up in your home...you said that was the first and only time you would allow a man into your bed."

"Yeah, and that man was you, Hakkai. _You._"

Hakkai stares, at an utter loss. What can he possibly say? He assumed _Gojyo_ would be the one freaking out, that Gojyo would be the one begging for them to forget about what happened and continue on like normal. He figured _he_ was the one at fault and that Gojyo would be...blaming him. He is used to having something to be sorry for.

"Listen, 'Kai." Gojyo speaks, allowing his voice to turngentle again. "I didn't sleep with you because you were vulnerable and an easy lay. And I sure as hell didn't do it because you coerced me. I slept with you because I wanted it, and I thought you wanted it, too. I thought...things were finally making sense between us."

"Gojyo..."

"I'm not just some whore who'll sleep with anything in sight. Maybe I have been, but...I'd never be that with you."

"I never said you were a whore. I've never thought that."

"I know. You're probably the only person in my life who never has."

Both pairs of jewel-toned eyes are locked on the other, anger forgotten, with only fear remaining, waiting to be chased away.

Gojyo discovers in the eyes regarding him not a sense of regret anymore but one of denied longing. The longing reminds him desperately of last night, and he knows for certain that Hakkai's reactions this morning rest solely in the shame of believed selfishness and lack of self-worth.

He can't possibly allow that.

Reaching out a long, tan arm, Gojyo grips the covers pulled up so high and tight around Hakkai and begins to pull them back down, never once turning his gaze away. He goes slowly, waiting for any signs of protest, but despite consistent increasing in Hakkai's shallow breaths, he is offered none. When he has pulled the sheets back down to their original place--low on Hakkai's hips--he moves a hand to lie flat against his friend's chest. Inching closer, he brings himself back to the position HE had been in upon waking, pressed against Hakkai's side.

"I think we need to start over..." the redhead whispers with a crooked, uncertain grin, leaning in close enough for their breath to mingle. "Good morning, Hakkai..."

Hakkai laughs softly, still trembling in uncertainty despite his lingering desire. "Good morning...Gojyo."

The grin widens as Gojyo's other hand reaches up to cup the side of Hakkai's face and the first begins to stroke gently along the skin of Hakkai's chest. "You know...in case you were wondering...I haven't been with a woman in a long time, and I've never been with a man. Not til last night. Something like that is pretty monumental, don't you think? Getting ME to take a man to bed."

The heat from Gojyo's body is seeping through the contact of their skin, warming up Hakkai just as significantly as his companion. He trembles. "I...suppose it is...rather monumental."

"And...since I woke you with a kiss, I obviously liked what I got last night, so much I needed another taste just to function."

A blush, deeply trailing from the bridge of Hakkai's nose all the way down to his hipbones, spreads instantly.

"I just want you to know..." Gojyo speaks on, so softly that calling it a whisper would make it sound deafening. His words purr, and the hand on Hakkai's chest moves lower, trailing down and getting to the dangerous edge of the sheet just as he finishes. "...when I touch you like _this_...never forget...that it's because I WANT to."

Hakkai arches up into Gojyo's touch as the kappa reaches under the sheet and curls his fingers around the prize hidden there. It surpasses all feelings from the night before because there are no more butterflies of uncertainty and no belief that come morning this will all amount to nothing. "Gojyo..." the brunette gasps, forcing his eyes to remain open as he looks into the heated, loaded gaze staring back at him, and desperately trying not to thrust his hips too urgently into the hanyou'shand. "...what...uh...does this...mean for us...?"

Leaning as closely into Hakkai as can be comfortable, Gojyo flicks his tongue out to teasingly lick at his friend's lips. "I guess it means...when we room together...we have more to do...than play cards."

Hakkai shudders deeply, his hips moving of their own accord as that hand slips away and is replaced with Gojyo's own moving, naked hips. "I'm...serious, Gojyo...I--oh gods--I...I need to know..."

Ending his teasing only because Hakkai is desperately trying to capture a true kiss, Gojyodives into Hakkai's mouth in time to a particularly perfect thrust. The kiss is slow, like it was last night, but filled with far more conscious passion. When they finally break, their hips still moving madly against one another's, Gojyo at last speaks in reply. "What this DOESN'T mean...is...a one-night stand...or...being...fuck buddies," he speaks between gasps for air and contented moans. "...it doesn't mean...just...helping a friend. It means..."

"It means..." Hakkai prompts further, trembling even more fiercely now.

"It means..." Gojyo whispers against damp, hungry lips. "...I love you."

As wrapped up in the moment as Hakkai had been, that admission stops him dead. Gojyo stops as well when he feels his companion's suddenly absent resistance, and furrows his brow in concern.

Please, oh please, let that not have been the wrong thing to say.

"You love me...? As in...being...IN love with me?"

Honesty is definitely the path to take right now, even if it scares Hakkai away. "Yes. I'm not just saying it and I don't just mean as a friend. I'm IN love with you. Have been for a lot longer than last night."

Hakkai doesn't even blink, just returns Gojyo's stare and says very calmly, "You know, Gojyo...when I love someone...it is forever."

"I gathered that."

"Forever is a long time."

"I'm aware."

"Are you...willing to give me forever?"

"Are you saying you love me back?"

"...Yes."

"Then you better believe I'm willing, coz what we did last night wasn't just sex, it was _making love_, and I've NEVER done that before."

The blood nearly drains from Hakkai's face. This isn't a dream or a friendship-shattering mistake. This is everything he hoped it would be but thought for certain he could never have.

The smile that stretches across his face is one brighter and more real than any Gojyo has seen on his friend in a long time. Overcoming fear, after all, is one of the greatest of human reliefs. Even if the person in question is no longer human.

"So...last night we made love right in this very bed, we have just confessed love for one another, and... it's still early." Hakkai recounts, his words sounding borderline playful. Moving his hips very slowly, he grinds them into Gojyo's, finally tapping back into the passionate lover he had been the night before.

Gojyo's crimson eyes nearly roll back into his head at the tender brutality of Hakkai's sudden movement. He can't help it--he laughs. "Ha! Damn, I love your sensual side, 'Kai. Why the hell did you wait so long to show it to me?"

An echoing laugh, and soft lips find the curves of a tan neck. "I suppose...I thought it might scare you...and...I was quite certain...you couldn't possibly return my feelings. I dare say I have never been so pleased...to be proven wrong."

"Hehe...I'll be sure and prove you wrong as often as you like. Several times this morning if you're up for it."

"I should think that is rather apparent..."

"Ah! Deffffff-finetely...apparent."

"Good."

"I just...have...uhh...one question, 'Kai."

"Mm?"

"Who gets to tell the monk and monkey...?"

owari

A/N: Well, I never really liked the second half to this fic, so when I posted it on adultfanfiction I rewrote the ending to be...this. Hope you like getting another option. Let me know which ending you prefer. Maybe the original was best all along, but I want to hear what you all think. Thanks for reading!

Crimson


	4. AITE final version

AITE

* * *

"Hey, Hakkai? You okay?"

It was raining. It was always raining.

Seated on the edge of his bed facing the rain-soaked window, Hakkai turns to address his vigilant friend who has come to stand nearby. They share the small room—a welcome oddity—separated from their comrades by a single wall. There are two beds, the lone window, and an end table. It is simple, but they are used to such accommodations.

"Yes. I am fine, Gojyo," the brunette replies, his voice light within its tenor pitch.

"No," Gojyo states back, sitting down to join Hakkai on the bed, "I mean _really_."

As if on reflex, Hakkai smiles, something not quite as convincing as the mask he wears so effortlessly. He sighs; he never could keep anything from the stubborn hanyou. "It's been four years," he explains, staring outside at the falling rain, "Four years to the day."

"Aa. Then I guess that makes it our anniversary."

Hakkai laughs, just as softly as he had smiled. "Yes, Gojyo...that it is."

Nudging Hakkai gently in the side, Gojyo captures his friend's attention. He pats his own shoulder with one of his large, tan hands. "See this spot right here? _Great_ for resting a head on. Or so I've been told." he grins, if a little crookedly.

Hakkai laughs again, his voice on the verge of cracking despite his resolve to keep it steady. "I think I might...take you up on that offer..." he breathes, scooting the few inches closer for his head to rest gently on the redhead's shoulder and for his side to relax against Gojyo's own.

In turn, Gojyo slips an around Hakkai's back, holding him in place with just the right amount of pressure and support. Comfort is always best when offered by a friend who gives it without asking anything in return. Few may understand that Sha Gojyo is one of those friends, but his true nature is not something he often broadcasts.

Hakkai has long since known the truth.

"It doesn't hurt any less, does it?" Gojyo asks, after they had sat a few moments in contented silence. The way he has spoken makes it seem much more like a statement than an honest question.

"It does...but not less enough," Hakkai admits, "These past few years have made things easier merely by being with you. And Sanzo and Goku, of course," he adds quickly, "Honestly, it doesn't hurt the way it used to. I...I only...I only wish...I could finally let her rest."

"You can. All you gotta do is say goodbye."

Hakkai huffs a falsely humored breath of air. "Is it really that simple?"

Living for many years with Hakkai's self-loathing and excessive mourning has done very little towards making it easier for Gojyo to handle rainy nights such as this.

Projected pain does not induce wisdom.

"You loved her. I get that. But...did she mean more to you than living out the rest of your life?" Gojyo speaks through clenched teeth; his temper is getting the better of him, but out of sympathy, not anger. Sympathy...for a friend he has never known how to help. "Did she mean more to you than...than the people in your life now?"

Hakkai shifts in his position against Gojyo's side, but does not raise his head. "What you're really asking...is did she mean more to me than _you_."

"That's not what I said," Gojyo speaks quickly, "It'd be awful of me to make you answer something like that."

This time Hakkai does raise his head, lifting it just enough to stare into Gojyo's crimson eyes. "She didn't," he states simply, and then lays his head back down again, "See, it wasn't hard for me to answer at all. She didn't mean more to me than you do now, it was just...different. She held a place in my heart that is now empty, and always will be, but you...you hold a place all your own, Gojyo."

"Aww, you're making me blush."

Once more, Hakkai's light laughter slips out between his lips, and he finds himself snuggling in closer to Gojyo's warm, firm body. "Thank you," he whispers, his voice sounding faraway within the still silence of the room.

"For what?"

"For being there. For being you." Hakkai smiles, and it is one of his rare, honest smiles, though Gojyo cannot see it with the brunette's head bent as it rests against his shoulder. They remain in silence before Hakkai gently speaks again, his voice even more on the edge of breaking. "Goodbye..." he breathes, so softly Gojyo almost doesn't hear him, "...goodbye...Kanan..."

And the dam breaks, blown open and blown apart, with pieces of debris sent flying in every direction.

Slowly, Gojyo begins to feel the man in his arms shaking, shivering against him, and when a strange, too tender sob breaks the silence, he is certain he is treading territory he does not know how to tread. Hakkai is whimpering, and as the tears fall, Gojyo feels his shirt becoming damp through the downpour.

"Shit, man, don't cry. You're a guy, for Heaven's sake." he orders, though his voice is weak, and honestly, he has given the order only because he doesn't know any other way to handle what is happening. He can play the macho guy with ease, the guy who tells his friends to buck up and look on the brighter side of Hell. But...to hold another man while he cries...?

"I...I'm sorry...I know this is very...unseemly of me..." Hakkai sniffles, his voice a broken pane of glass while all the rain from outside is seeping in through the cracks. "I...I just...I..." But he cannot speak anymore; there is nothing left to say.

Hakkai's attempt to compose himself fails, and as the last of his held back tears burst free, he turns to bury his face in Gojyo's chest, clutching at the kappa's shirt, desperate for something to hold on to as he drowns deeper and deeper inside the rain.

What else can Gojyo do but hold him tighter? So he does.

Pulled in flush against Gojyo's chest, Hakkai is being held with one arm still around his back and the other up in his hair. Soon, he is digging deep into the shoulder he had so recently been leaning on.

Yes, this is the comfort he longed for tonight. No questions, no words, just the feel of another's body and tender hands.

Tears fall for a good many minutes before Hakkai finally pulls away, still clinging to Gojyo's damp shirt with fisted hands. Gojyo keeps one arm slinked around Hakkai's waist with the other holding the brunette's head. His fingers become tangled in the soft strands of hair. Their eyes meet—ruby and emerald in the dim lighting. Gojyo smiles. Hakkai sniffs back the last of his tears. And...somehow...they both begin to lean forward.

Their noses touch and Hakkai laughs, pulling back. But Gojyo isn't about to let the magic end there. The hand that had been nestled in Hakkai's hair slips free and travels down to touch the man's pale face, still glistening with tears. Gojyo runs his thumb beneath each green eye to banish the remaining wetness, and he strokes at that smooth skin, mesmerized by the foreign feel of it. Then, when Hakkai's eyes drift closed, both men are suddenly leaning in again.

Lips meet fleetingly, shocked that they have actually touched, but soon, they get over the strangeness of it all, and meet again. Hakkai is still trembling slightly from releasing so much sorrow through those many tears, but Gojyo's lips are determined to still him. The kiss is light and soft at first, but it desperately wants to become more. So much more.

There is no conscious effort by one man or the other to search for something deeper, suddenly, they have merely surrendered, and their tongues are intertwined, exploring each other's mouths. No rational thought is in either man's head, only adjectives.

Wet. Warm. Sweet. Wonderful.

Should rational thought enter their minds for even a second, they will have to stop. And now, in the moment, that is something neither of them wants.

Hakkai feels himself being pushed back onto the bed. He ignores the alarms going off inside his mind and allows himself to be laid down. When the kiss breaks, the instant contact of emerald and crimson is too much, even as Hakkai quickly looks away to stare instead at Gojyo's heavily rising and falling chest. Eye contact will break the spell, Hakkai reasons, though the heat from Gojyo's eyes still locked on his face proves that the kappa is not thinking along those same lines.

Clinging to what he can, Hakkai grabs at Gojyo's tank top and pulls, surprised at how easily it slips up over the hanyou's head and off to fall to the floor. Almost instantly, he pulls the redhead down again for another kiss, his hands digging deep into that flaming hair. Gojyo moans, forcing Hakkai to kiss him even more fiercely if only to block out the sound of a voice he knows too well.

Within the kiss, it is Hakkai's shirt now that is being tugged up, and the article is discarded quickly when they break again, before having to immediately reconnect, as if their breath is stolen by lack of contact instead of by contact itself.

Both feel dizzy, disoriented, as if dreaming. Their hands stray to each other's bare chests and anywhere else they can reach as their lips and tongues continue to assault.

Hakkai tenses when a certain pair of straying hands begins to pull at his pants, bringing his boxers down with them, but he does not break away. He does not break away at the feel of cool air striking his suddenly naked body. No. He rolls, pinning Gojyo with his weight as he had been pinned, and begins to remove the kappa's pants in return.

Gojyo couldn't be closer to Heaven if he died this very minute. Hakkai is on top of him—naked—the brunette's lips pressed hotly to his with their tongues dancing to a rhythm he can hear as clearly as if music were playing beside the bed. That Hakkai is the person this is happening with does not take away. It adds. It matters. It means everything.

And Gojyo never even saw it coming.

He shivers at the sudden absence of his own pants—he hadn't been wearing anything else—and the realization that both men are now stark naked is almost painfully apparent. Gojyo's mouth opens wide with the onset of another groan, but Hakkai's mouth is right there, eager to silence him with another bruising kiss.

Hands stray to places they could have only dreamed of before, and as they kiss, forever locked together, their bodies move and thrust against each other, working them both into a delirious frenzy. Both men are shivering now, their ribs in tight contact as their heavy breathing synchronizes into a single, giant breath.

Hakkai has forgotten the rain.

Another roll and their positions are once again flipped, with Gojyo on top and Hakkai squirming deliciously beneath. Then, Gojyo is lifting them up, his hands gripping Hakkai's shoulders as he lifts and leans back until both are up on their knees instead of lying down. Slowly, he falls back into a sitting position, his legs spreading, and hoists Hakkai up so that the brunette is straddling his waist, practically sitting in his lap.

Their lips have yet to pull apart for more than a few moments at a time, but as Gojyo shifts Hakkai further, into that perfect, desirable spot, they are forced to separate. Hakkai gasps, cringing in pain as Gojyo finds the entrance he had been searching for. He clutches at Gojyo's back, the kappa's face buried in the crook of his neck. Hakkai shudders deeply—a sheath never before used—but the pain is passing, replaced by something equally blinding that climbs up his spine to the back of his head and explodes.

Gojyo is fully inside soon, holding Hakkai tight, their chests pressed close together. And then Gojyo begins to move. They are only small thrusts at first, a gentle rocking, and even when the movements pick up pace, it is still amazingly gentle as if the two young men are merely slow dancing to the rhythm Gojyo is certain he can still hear.

They are locked in that position, Hakkai holding tight to Gojyo's back, his legs gripping the kappa's hips, while Gojyo kisses Hakkai's chest and neck, and together...they move, they rock, they dance.

The passage of time means very little, until all the glorious friction is suddenly over, the soiled sheets tossed to the floor, with a single, remaining blanket left to pull up around them as they drift off to sleep. They haven't spoken. They haven't looked deeply into each other's eyes, or found any great revelations. They are merely a tangle of limbs suddenly, resting in a contented heap on the bed—exhausted.

-----

Sunlight, warm and inviting, bathes him in its rays. He can feel it caressing the exposed areas of his skin, reminiscent of softer caresses he experienced the night before. It feels wonderful—soothing—but not nearly as welcome as those other touches had been.

Gojyo blinks, annoyed with the sunlight pouring in through the window even as he is praising its glory. His eyes are heavy, his body aching, and when he rolls over to curl in closer to his companion for a few more minutes of blissful sleep he is suddenly reminded of exactly whom he had been sharing the bed with.

His hand falls to rest on a smooth, hard, _flat_ chest. His legs are curled tightly with another's, which are definitely well muscled and definitely NOT clean-shaven. And most noticeably of all, his nose is very clearly picking up on a less familiar scent. The scent of the acts he carried out the night before, lingering still in the somewhat stuffy room, are not at all dulled by the sweet scent of a woman because a woman had not been present.

Gojyo raises his head, looking down at the still sleeping face of the person so close to him, he can feel the other man's even breath striking his skin.

Hakkai.

_'Holy shit...'_ he thinks with a crooked smile.

The brunette's strong frame is deceptively frail looking with the covers just barely coming up to his hips. He is thin with smooth muscles perfectly toned in a way so understated an amateur would consider him a very small threat, if any at all. That, of course, is far from the truth. Gojyo almost kicks himself for never having noticed how enticing his friend really is. The gentle curve of that pale neck, the man's thin waist, so like a woman's, and those features—breathtaking. Hakkai is a beauty, and Gojyo has always been a sucker for a pretty face. He just never expected his first lay on the road would be his best friend.

Fully aware that he is staring, Gojyo becomes lost in the still beauty of Hakkai's face, seeing it in an entirely new light now. Hakkai is no longer just his good friend, companion, and roommate. They breached a boundary Gojyo never imagined crossing with another man, yet alone with the stunning brunette. But Hakkai...is Hakkai. Hakkai isn't just anyone. Hakkai is kind and compassionate. Hakkai is mysterious and unexpected. Hakkai is graceful, and frightening, and wonderful, and haunted, and...and...Gojyo realizes he is so enraptured with Hakkai he has begun trailing his hand along the smooth skin of the man's chest.

Hakkai is so pale—not pale like Sanzo, but pale in comparison to the tan hand running over his skin. Gojyo would never be so cliché and maudlin as to call it 'alabaster' or 'porcelain', but he is sorely tempted.

Taking a naughty morning risk, Gojyo looks about the room as if searching for some sinister fly on the wall. Smirking triumphantly at finding none, he begins to lean down, closing his crimson eyes as he lowers slightly parted lips to meet Hakkai's. His hand never once stops its gentle caresses, trailing from the other man's clavicle to just past his ribcage. In the moment of this stolen and mildly chaste kiss, Gojyo unthinkingly trails that hand lower, discovering the rubbery skin just above Hakkai's navel. The change in texture would have caught him off guard for at least a moment if the contact hadn't just then roused Hakkai from the edge of dreaming.

Emeralds flicker, at first confused with the strange weight leaning into his body and the wet pressure on his lips, but as a shock of red hair focuses in his line of vision, everything about last night jumps suddenly to the front of Hakkai's mind.

Thoughtlessly, his hands spring from his sides and shoot upwards with far more force than he intended, jerking Gojyo roughly up and away from him. "Don't touch me!" he cries, appalled that what his mind is recalling truly and fully _did_ happen last night.

Hakkai throws back the covers and scrambles out of bed before Gojyo even has time to look hurt.

At first, Gojyo doesn't know how he should react. Lying stunned in the bed, he watches Hakkai frantically gather his clothing and begin to dress, pulling on his boxers with swiftness Gojyo never thought possible. Somehow, Hakkai not looking at him while shaking his head with mumbled words hurts more than this hasty retreat.

Gojyo pushes himself up, tosses the sheets aside and sits—exposed—on the edge of the bed. "Hakkai…"

"I'm sorry, Gojyo. I'm so sorry." Hakkai interrupts—too quickly. His pants are caught around his knees due to his frantic pulling. He still will not look at Gojyo. "I feel so…ashamed." He adds quietly.

"Ashamed...?" the hanyou repeats.

"My own sorrow is no excuse. My own needs...should never come before yours, or anyone else's." the brunette continues, his words coming out rushed. Finally, he manages to pull his pants on all the way, hastily securing them and turning to seek out his shirt, "What I allowed last night was..." he pauses, back to Gojyo and eyes on the ground, "…it was…reprehensible...and...I just hope you can forgive me." Spotting his black undershirt, Hakkai reaches for it quickly.

"Forgive you...?"

Hakkai pulls his shirt over his head, almost popping his head through an armhole in his haste. "Please, can we just...forget what passed between us? I would feel better knowing such a mistake was put behind us."

If the hammer had yet to fall, it certainly does with this last phrase. "Mistake...?" Gojyo's eyes narrow on the figure still refusing to meet his gaze. "Right. Of course. I mean, if you wanna forgive and forget like nothing happened, who am I to refuse you?"

Gojyo's tone is anything but understanding, his temper flared, his words sharp and biting. All his beliefs concerning what happened last night are amounting to nothing right before his eyes.

At last finding the courage to raise his head, Hakkai looks up in obvious confusion to return the kappa's stare. Gojyo's rage looks back at him with the force of a physical blow and he almost has to take a step back.

"Gojyo...are you...angry with me?"

"Angry? Why would I be angry?" Gojyo shoots back, standing abruptly and uncaring to his naked form. "What the FUCK do I have to be angry about?" he yells, and in a burst of anger, he turns around and kicks the base of the bed with a bare foot making Hakkai's breath catch in his throat.

Surely Gojyo's foot must sting from such an impact, but the redhead gives no further reaction, turned away from Hakkai with clenched fists and taut, tense muscles running all throughout his body.

Hakkai knows he should say something, wants to say something, but feels he has made things so horribly worse with his words and actions thus far. When he finally gets up the courage to speak, Gojyo is moving. Walking quickly around to the other side of the bed to gather his clothes, the hanyou says nothing more, but the clip to his pace is a sure sign of anger left unspoken.

Hakkai watches Gojyo dress in silence. Gojyo is also silent. The suffocating presence of this unnatural quiet overtakes the room, and the lingering scent of their deed the night before seems to seep up form the very floor, choking them both.

"Forgive me for handling this so inelegantly, Gojyo…" Hakkai speaks at last, "…but I'm afraid I really don't know how it should be handled."

Gojyo has his pants and tank-top pulled on and is sitting on the bed, still facing away. He stiffens at the sound of Hakkai's voice behind him and his own voice is a growl when it leaves him. "Here's a hint: not the way you did," he says.

Approaching cautiously from the other side of the room, Hakkai passes his gaze from his friend's taut back to the still rumpled sheets of the bed they had shared. "You don't want an apology for how I used you?" Hakkai asks boldly.

"Used me? What the hell!" Gojyo cries, at last whipping around and glaring with that same forceful anger in his expression. "_I_ fucked _you_! If anything, I thought you'd be mad at me for using _you_ last night, but no, you have to act all self-righteous about it."

"But..._I'm_ the one who kept pushing for more. _I_ was the one in the wrong."

"No, Hakkai." Gojyo counters, his eyes aflame through his steadily increasing anger. "We were both pushing for more—equally. We both wanted it. Or so I thought. But I guess for you...it didn't mean shit."

The force of those crimson eyes finally becomes more than the brunette can handle, and he stumbles back. "You...you don't regret sharing your bed with me...?"

"Fuck, no!"

"But...I don't understand. When I first woke up in your home...you said that was the only time you would allow a man into your bed."

"Yeah, and that man was _you_, Hakkai. _You_."

Hakkai stares at an utter loss, silent.

"Listen," Gojyo says, his anger dulled but still on the surface, "I didn't sleep with you because you were vulnerable and an easy lay. And I sure as hell didn't do it because you coerced me. I slept with you because I wanted it, and I thought you wanted it, too. I guess...I read your feelings wrong."

"But you didn't." Hakkai jumps in, wanting so desperately suddenly to leap from where he stands, right into the kappa's arms. He is surprised at his own desires, but they do not overwhelm him as they had the night before. He knows what he feels. He always has. "I never imagined my feelings would be reciprocated. I thought--"

"You thought what? That I was some whore who'd sleep with anything in sight?"

Hakkai gapes, forced to take yet another step back. "I never said you were a whore."

"Yeah, well you're sure as hell treating me like one if you think I'd sleep with you just to get laid." Gojyo bites. Finally, he gets up from his seat on the bed and comes around to stand in front of Hakkai. He speaks directly, his eyes determined to remain locked on Hakkai's face. "I haven't been with a woman in a long time, 'Kai, and I've never been with a man...not til last night. That's not something you do on a whim or just coz you need a good fuck. It's something you do because you realize after god knows too long...you're in love with your best friend."

And Hakkai is still gaping, still dreaming, he imagines, because Gojyo, a man he had lived in the same house with for three years, has just admitted the impossible. "In...love...?"

"Never could get it right with a woman. Guess fate was trying to tell me something." The kappa's tone is softer suddenly, and the part of his anger that has faded away is being swallowed by uncertain hope—hope for a better ending than the one he believes he is headed for.

"Gojyo, I...I feel like such a fool." Hakkai expresses, reclaiming the steps that had pulled him so unfairly back. "Last night...I wouldn't have slept with just anyone, no matter how vulnerable I was. Had I been sharing a room with Sanzo or Goku, I would have undoubtedly slept alone. It was you I wanted, not the comfort. Forgive me for being so blind...I couldn't see you felt the same way."

"You…saying what I think you're saying?"

Hakkai smiles, and it is nothing false or forced, but tender in its honestly. "I love you too, Gojyo."

A silence vastly different than the ones that had settled before blankets the room. Any remaining anger on Gojyo's part seems unnecessary now, and any lingering fears in Hakkai are slowly being overridden.

When the full force of what has been said strikes Gojyo, he at last speaks again.

"Shit," the kappa grins, somewhat lopsided as he overcomes his final traces of anger, "I mean...holy fuck, Hakkai. Me and you...in love? And...last night...we...we were...I mean...gods! This is crazy!"

Hakkai laughs, and the space that had been between them is suddenly gone. "And yet..." he breathes, raising one of those too beautiful hands up towards Gojyo's face, "...I don't think I'd want things any other way. Crazy seems to suit us, don't you think?"

"It sure as hell likes our company." Gojyo replies, leaning into the hand on his cheek and forgetting he had ever been angry with the man before him, a man looking up at him adoringly.

"So...last night we made love right in this very bed and we have just confessed our affections." Hakkai recounts, his words sounding almost playful. The small space remaining between Gojyo and Hakkai vanishes. "Shall I make it up to you how I reacted so poorly?"

Gojyo is pretty certain this sounds like a wonderful idea. Rather than answer with words, the kappa sports a wide grin and slips his arms around Hakkai's waist, making a point to position his hands far lower than honorable convention allows. Gojyo leans in for the prize and Hakkai offers it to him willingly, their lips meeting tentatively at first, but without any of the fearful rush they had the night before.

Adjective have given birth to positively wonderful nouns. Like joy. Affection. Passion. _Love_.

Holding tight to Hakkai's hips, Gojyo starts to slowly peddle back and is thrilled at how his companion willingly follows. It is earlier than they need to be up really, and the pair has so much to make up for.

Gojyo's legs hit the back of the bed and he nearly stumbles. Their lips part. Emerald and crimson shimmer back at one another, twin smiles playing on both young men's faces. Gojyo is on the bed before he can think with Hakkai pinning him to the mattress and peppering kisses down his neck. The healer nips at a spot just under Gojyo's left ear and is rewarded with a pleased hiss.

"_This_ is different…" Gojyo says with a pleased smirk.

Hakkai keeps his hands on Gojyo's shoulders, gently holding the taller man down. His legs adjust themselves to rest on either side of Gojyo's body, keeping the kappa tightly between them. "Is it…?' Hakkai asks teasingly, raising his head just long enough to smile—a slight blush the only sign of his modesty—before hungrily returning to taste the sweet skin of Gojyo's throat.

Gojyo can't help it—he laughs. "Ha! Damn, I love your sensual side, 'Kai. Why the hell did you wait so long to show it to me?"

Another laugh echoes in reply and soft lips move gently over the curves of Gojyo's tan neck. "I suppose...I thought it might scare you away, and I was quite certain you couldn't possibly return my feelings. I dare say I have never been so pleased to be proven wrong."

"Hehe...I'll be sure and prove you wrong as often as you like. Several times this morning if you're up for it."

"I should think that is rather apparent..."

"Ah! Deffffff-finetely...apparent."

"Good."

"I just...have...uhh...one question, 'Kai."

"Mm?"

"Who gets to tell the monk and monkey...?"

Hakkai lifts his head, puzzled by the tone of slight embarrassment in Gojyo's voice, and realizes that Gojyo is no longer looking at him. Hakkai slowly turns his head...and suddenly feels very foolish for having left the door open when he came in. "Eh...? Sanzo? Goku? How...how long have you been standing there?"

Book-ending the entrance to the room, Sanzo and Goku stand stock-still.

Goku's expression is one of frozen disbelief, his mouth hanging open so wide one might imagine he is facing an impressive assortment of food rather than the sight of two male friends in a compromising position.

Sanzo also looks quite shocked, though he masks his response quickly, enabling him to pass this development off as nothing. "How long? Long enough to feel sick to my stomach." the monk grumbles, swallowing back the strange collection of saliva in his throat. "Are you two finished now so we can eat and get on the road?"

"You're not...angry?" Hakkai questions, pulling away from Gojyo to avoid making the others any more uncomfortable.

"What you do in bed together is none of my business. Just be sure your romance doesn't interfere with the mission. If it even _seems_ like you're distracted, I'm neutering the kappa."

"Hey!"

"I'm going down to eat." Sanzo continues, ignoring Gojyo's protest. "When I'm finished, I'm leaving, with _or_ without you." Having given his consent—in his own special way—Sanzo turns on his heels and leaves.

Goku has yet to speak or move, still standing, mouth agape, with his large golden eyes locked on the forms of his friends.

Hakkai smiles, but shifts nervously, not sure what to say.

Gojyo, on the other hand, has a knack for dealing with monkeys. "What are you staring at, huh?" he asks slyly, pulling Hakkai close to his side again. He grins, waggling an eyebrow in Goku's direction.

Goku grimaces. Finally, his mouth closes and his shoulders relax, but he looks anything _but_ okay. His attention shifts to Hakkai. "You...you...you didn't let Gojyo have sex with you, did you? Hakkai, that's just gross."

"What! Why you little--!"

"Goku, it isn't gross, it's just...different." Hakkai breaks in, saving them from the onset of yet another verbal fight. Though he can tell his close proximity to Gojyo is unsettling Goku, he does not attempt to pry himself from Gojyo's hold. "There is nothing wrong with two men finding love in one another."

Goku shakes his head. "I didn't mean it was gross coz he's a guy, just coz he's Gojyo. I mean, who knows where that kappa's been."

And with that said, Gojyo releases Hakkai and is suddenly dashing for the door. "That's it, I'm ringing your neck!"

"Ack! I was just kidding!" Goku cries over his shoulder, sprinting down the hallway in hopes of finding some place of refuge before Gojyo can catch him. "I think you make a cute couple!"

"Tell that to my fist, you little twerp!"

"Hakkai, help!"

But Hakkai knows to leave things be. He follows at a leisurely pace, shaking his head and laughing lightly beneath his breath. "Yare, yare...the things I put up with..."

THE END

A/N:

"A combination of the two would've been the best way to go. They could wake up and Hakkai would jump out of bed, and the conversation, or a variation of the one from the first ending, would take place while he's trying to get dressed. Gojyo gets up all hot and bothered, with the same little angry Gojyo thing for Hakkai to realize his feelings are reciprocated. They have the first ending's love confession, and then they go a bit farther than a little kiss, and then Sanzo and G find them, and from then on, it's all the same (minus a few articles of clothing)."

This was a review I recently received from Your Mom's Face (yes that is really the name the reviewer left) and I decided to honor it. I hope the outcome was successful. Please let me know. Personally, I think the fic finally is its true form, as it really could have gone and as I wanted it all along. See ya next ficcie (and hopefully in my current Saiyuki fic, Even Easy Has Problems).

Crimson


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